so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
