I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
