uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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