On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
