God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
