question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
