Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
