Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
