my phone needs a breathalizer
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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