i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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