He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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