I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
