He told me they were just razor bumps!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
