All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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