She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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