I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
