I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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