tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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