things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
