What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize