did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
