He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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