I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
