dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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