i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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