3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude. I can hear the air.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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