he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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