i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
