Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
