you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
