I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
