shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
