she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
