Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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