WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
