So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
