So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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