Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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