I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
