I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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