how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
