if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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