k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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