You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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