Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
