he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
