I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How does one acquire holy water?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
