Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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