Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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