I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
