Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
