dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
