her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
