how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
