kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
