well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
