Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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