I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
