you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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