never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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