Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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