were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
