Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
