I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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