Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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