we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Mom said you looked used
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
