3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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