I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
