Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
