i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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