i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We left the knife in your bed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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