Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
