my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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