dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
