Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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