Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
