there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
