Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
