He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.